Monday, January 31, 2011

Fuck off

I don't care what you think about me. I don't care what you or your friends say about me. I am awesome. I am the BOSS. I am the best at what I do, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I loved you. Then I tried to get over you. At this point, it doesn't matter what you mean to me anymore - it's all the same. I'm going to college, and you're going to throw your life away.

You think you can impose a sense of blind impotence on me? You are DEAD WRONG. I have total control over my life, and I am going to make good use of it.

I'm mad. You'd better thank whatever higher power you pray to that I'm not going to do anything about it, at least not for a while. It's more fun to watch you squirm in anticipation

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Respect

I've come to notice a commonality among many debates. When we talk about political parties, religious beliefs, scientific theories and current events, we tend to frame our debates as "Us versus them." The next time you hear yourself - or someone else - do this, stop for a second and think; "Who is 'them'?" Are they some evil, malicious organization hell-bent on destroying your beliefs? Are they cult members, aliens, or foreign government operatives? No. They are your next door neighbors. They are your co-workers and classmates. They could be members of your own family.

These people are not necessarily going to agree with you on your opinion. If you are an atheist, they may believe in God. If you are a democrat, they may be libertarian. If you believe in democracy, they may believe in communism. Regardless of their differences of opinion, they and their beliefs deserve respect equal to your own. Do not belittle them for what they think. Do not call them naive, infantile, or delusional. Do not call them backward. Instead, debate with them on this subject; if you care so much about your position, isn't it your duty to defend it?

Open intellectual debate should be encouraged in all subjects and in all schools of thought. After all, we are guaranteed by our constitution the freedoms of speech and press; we must exercise those freedoms whenever we deem necessary. It would be a rather boring state of affairs if everyone in a society agreed on the same issues, because there would be nothing to talk about! Argument is essentially a form of entertainment, and it's important to keep that in mind while you're in the middle of one, or you risk losing your head over trivial matters.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Daring you to waste it,
forcing you to cherish it,
making you want to get rid of it.
Kill it!
And yet it always remains.
You ask it to fly by when you are bored,
yet you command it to stop when you're having fun.
When you're young, you want less of it;
when old, you desire much more.
Make up your damn mind already!

Time is a flirtatious whore.
How Can I say it
if you'd just look down on me?
You're just not ready.
Everything will be fine, you say
as you try to convince yourself that you're not nervous
the others over there, surely they are more nervous than me
I have prepared, I have done all I can, and I will do my best;
there is nothing more I can do.
The lights go on - it's your turn!
So you mount the stage and take your place
right on cue, your mind draws a blank.
Fuck
Now what do I do?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A fable

There was a certain person, we will call him Sam, who liked to help people.
He wanted to help everyone with with problems, be they big or small,
so he fixed his friends' issues, starting work on them one by one.
Darrell needed to get into college, while Suzie needed self esteem.
Lauren needed a shoulder to cry on, while Craig needed a lot of money.
He became popular with this talent, and his reputation grew and grew.
The list of friends and needs grew so big, that they collapsed on Sam one day.
The stack of papers fell on him, taking his drive away.
"I just wanted to help people!" He cried, "But I can't fix it all!"
Maybe it's not my job to fix their problems after all.
Then he realized something that he'd previously ignored.
He would had to deal with his own issues before addressing any more.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Better than expected

When I was six years old, I started writing and drafting screenplays for movies. When I was eight years old, I came up with an idea for a magnetically powered transportation system - like maglevs that could go to every major city in America. When I was twelve, I started thinking of ways that I could take over the world.

Lately, i've felt that with all the shit i've done to my brain, i've managed to kill off some brain cells. I've thought that I MUST be dumber, somehow, because I don't feel like i'm getting any smarter. And yet, when I look back on my past journal entries - from a year ago or more - I shake my head and think "how naive I must have been!" My grades, in all my classes, are steadily going up. I've been exploring interests in psychology, painting, philosophy, photography and dancing in the last few months alone. I've been making more and more friends, and made less mistakes when it comes to how I treat them.

What I'm getting at is, while I'm not pursuing grandiose ideas - like becoming an astronaut or gaining control of the world's financial systems - I'm still growing. And I still plan on becoming a businessman, and a VERY influential businessman at that. The difference is, I'm concentrating on what makes me happy; chemistry, neuroscience, and business, and recognizing the futility of wanting absolute power.

I am ambitious, and ambition has its place. Within it, though, one must use reason. Our own government, which is already highly centralized, is proof enough that strong governments do not make for strong nations. Also recall the empires of Alexander the Great, Ghengis Khan, and Rome. They failed because they overexpanded - I will not do the same.

It is a wise man's duty to respect the free will of people, no matter how rich or famous that man is. Self-governance is what made America great for the past two centuries, and I will not infringe on it. What I'm trying to say in this post is, I've accepted my role in the world. Not as a Napoleon, but as a Louis Pasteur.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

By the way, this is called Absurdism

It's interesting to think about how little we know about the world around us. We don't know if it was created, or if it just came into being by chance. We don't know if there's life elsewhere, or if earth is the only biosphere. In fact, we don't even know much about how our own brains work.

Individually, we know even less. What YOU know comes from your own experiences and however much attention you paid in school. You know a very specific, limited range of information and practical skills that allow you to - someday - hold down a job. Maybe you can derive that knowledge and invent something with it, driving innovation in your field of work. If you're REALLY smart, maybe you can derive it once more and start a new field of research. But probably not.

You will never be able to answer the most fundamental questions that we have as a species. You can be a philosopher, an engineer, a scientist, or a poet - it makes no difference. There are some things that we will never know.

Why is that? Because we are isomorphic life. We are in a state of existence somewhere between perfect order and total chaos, and were we to further our understanding of ourselves, we would move much closer to perfection. Perfection is paradoxical, because it removes the necessity of free will. Without free will, we are not human.

I believe that there is a God out there. This God knows all, controls all, and is everywhere, and I believe that within his system of creation, we are not meant to know certain things. Because of that, individually and as a species, we will remain ignorant.

The idea of perpetual ignorance is repugnant. Why would a benevolent creator limit our knowledge this way?

Two reasons. One: given certain knowledge, we could become like him. Two: given our nature, we would certainly destroy each other with that knowledge. Consider the hydrogen bomb.

Apparently, God really does know best.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Learning something new every day

Have you ever done painting before?

Nope. I thought it'd be too hard, that there'd be too many details, and that whatever I would produce would look awful. Well, today I gave it a try thanks to an art history class. "St. Jerome in His Study" by Albrecht Durer. All in greyscale, with charcoal, gouache, and oil going into the drawing, I'm perfectly satisfied. Who knows? I may end up with an A in that class after all.

Have you ever tried photography?

No, but recently I've been photographing major things in my life to save for posterity. I was given a very high-quality camera for christmas, and It's been put to good use so far.

Does it feel like a learning process - to do both of these things?

Absolutely, it does. Especially for painting, where so many things can go wrong in such a small space. I'm not going to show you what that first one looks like - too embarrassed xP but It's fun and I want to keep doing this. Hopefully I'll have the opportunity to practice.

So do you feel like an artist now?

Hell if I know!!!!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Freud & Co

Experts will agree
on the need to keep their jobs
even if they're wrong

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Judgement

Judge me by my appearance, do you? Think you that I am my clothes, my height, or the details of my face? Look deeper, you must. When Years of hard work you perform, look as good, you will not. Peacock feathers, clothes are not. Cover up one's nudity, they do.

More to the point, appearance does not bespeak actions. The actions you take in life are what define you, and as such, you may be too busy to care about your appearance. Consider this; some of the most successful and heinous criminals of all time dressed immaculately. Many of the world's success stories, however, didn't pay any attention to their clothing while they were changing the world - Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Warren Buffet, John Adams, and Abraham Lincoln to name a few.

So sure, you can force me to dress up to the nines for a fancy dinner. I'll put on loafers, slacks, a dress shirt and tie, and even cufflinks. I'll wear a designer belt and slap on a jacket if you really push it, but that is NOT who I really am. Nor will I EVER be that way - even as the CEO of a blue-chip company.

Clothes mean nothing. Get over it.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year!

Wow, I just canNOT believe how long I've been blogging! Happy New Year's, everyone, and I hope your New Year's Even celebration went well. What did I do? Oh-ho-ho, you'd know exactly what I did If you really knew me. Suffice it to say that I was BORN to be a party animal. Seriously - I was born on a Saturday! The girl hosting the party got into Emory, so It was a seniors celebration =)
Even better? Unlike last year, there was no messy aftermath to deal with. I didn't hook up with anyone, I didn't overdo anything, and I got home on time - so my mom didn't kill me! Haha.

Well, with all that, I've got a couple resolutions to make as I head into another episode of my life.

1. I will save up 3,000 dollars to use for a vacation to Europe this summer.
2. I will lose 6 pounds by February 1st, bringing it down to 150
3. I will run EVERY OTHER DAY this year. The mileage can vary, but it's time to get in shape for the marathon.
4. I will beat a 10-footer in ITG by February 1st

Est-ce possible? Peut-etre. When in doubt, just listen to 'Lose Yourself' by Eminem. "You can do anything you set your mind to, man." It certainly feels that way after getting into NYU.

Peace, love, and understanding, y'all. As a wise man once said: "Whatever you do, go about it with a calm mind." <3