Courage, lads

Feels like i'm wolverine tearing, breaking, and clawing my way out of a hostile laboratory. Or Batman when he finds his parents dead. No.. it's more like Tony Stark building the suit that'll take him out of the shithole he's in and back to where he belongs. It's a challenge you have to study for, be mentally ready for, show up on time for, sit through, and do well at if you want to go places. That's right, i'm talking about the ACT. Feels good now that it's over; had a bloody panic attack more than once when I was sitting through it. I'm sure I did well - standardized tests are my specialty - and I'm sure i'll get into a really good school if things keep going the way they do. What is uncertain; how the hell am I going to stop panicking during tests? you'll have to sedate me before I go into one calm. Courage, lads; the war is not over yet.

Later;

St. marks has 3 big exports; drugs, drug paraphernilia, and tee-shirts. NYU students come for all three and stay all night to drink next door at Astor place. I go there for the numb-in-a-box and leave. like take out. I get the numb when I need to stop feeling things for awhile. To stop thinking. To just let the world roll by me for awhile; it's my equivalent of stopping to smell the roses.

I look out onto Broadway from my rooftop. I see cars angrily swerving around each other like nascar. I see people far below that scurry around like ants. I wish I could fly. Maybe then I could be where I want to be right now - and i'd be free. I've dreamt about flying at least once a month since I was a little kid. Each time I wake up, I realize that while it's a dream, It can become a reality.

It's 2AM. I've had THAT day again - the day where the former you ages, then dies VERY painfully, and a new self Is created. Sometimes it's a bad trip, sometimes it's a breakup, sometimes it's bad grades in school or parents telling you something you didn't want to hear. Today I wanted to fly off my roof and see what it's like to be a bird. Right now, though, I feel like a baby again.