Let's think Meta

I recently read a couple of articles online that posited the idea that we are living in a simulation: a sort of computer program created by post-human entities that want to study the past. If this is true, the implications would be enormous: moral and ethical reasoning would be thrown into question, as would our understanding of religion. If enough people within the simulation understood the un-reality of this place, there would be a VERY big backlash.

Or would there be? I've wrestled with this idea since I first watched the matrix, and i've never been able to shake the feeling that, at some level, my actions and thoughts are controlled by an external source. Recently, i've reached a point where it doesn't seem to matter much. My actions, my goals and dreams, are still relevant. My life (as I perceive it) would be no less real to me: think about how many people nowadays use the Internet for dating, and for the pursuit of online friendships through Facebook and MMO video games? Those are no less 'real' than our face-to-face encounters with these people: the interactions are essentially the same.

Because of this, I see no question of futility. Maybe what we do doesn't really matter in the big picture - so what? Our actions are still important to US. The pursuit of finding (or constructing) meaning in our lives matters more, on a practical level, than the reality of that meaning. But with the knowledge that reality is an illusion, I (and others like me) can bend and break the rules without a guilty conscience, if the ends justify the means.

I just hope that, whatever the case may be, we humans find a way to conquer sleep once and for all. It's such a critical thing, but the time one spends asleep is all but wasted. Ugh.. I need to get to bed soon. That 18 mile run yesterday killed me.

A Firm Farewell to Another

Despite your impressions of me,
I am neither angel
Nor omniscient being.
I merely remind you of the youth you once possessed -
And the curiosity for things you now find commonplace.
Despite your adoration,
There is nothing you can say or do
To change my opinion of you;
A broken record who has ceased to gaze at the world with open eyes.

Continue your search elsewhere, milord, 
This interview is over.

Latium

Personal conduct is a war
played out in space-time
lasting eons longer than a battle of grandmasters.
The opponents; you versus yourself.
Wise you versus crazy you,
and the winner is undecided.
Day by day, battle by battle,
your part is chosen
by the conscious decisions you make.

Peace

Neither of us completed the other,
physically, emotionally or mentally.
That is fine;
you are a kind soul,
and I will remember you in a favorable light.
A parting is no farewell,
merely a reset
of the dynamics between two souls.

Until we meet again

Freedom

Do you like to climb things?

But of course! I have been a climber since I was able to walk. I climbed trees, buildings, monuments and rocks. Mountains, when I could get to them.

When I run, it's as if I were a mustang foal drifting over the great plains.

I scuba dive, also, when opportunity knocks.

I dream constantly of flying.

What do all these have in common? They speak of an unquenchable thirst for freedom that will follow me throughout this life, and even to my grave. When I die, I wish to be rocketed into the heavens, to drift among the stars until the end of time.

I am a dreamer, a traveler, and an adventurer. The newness of life that I encounter every day - how may I share it with all of you? What gives YOU that

Procrastinating

Sense of numbness and detachment from the world: sometimes.

Often, though, when people don't talk to me, or when I don't talk to them. More so when I haven't had physical contact with someone,anyone, for some time. A hug. A comforting embrace. But I am a man. Silent, mysterious, and seemingly unapproachable to others. As such; the last time I felt truly 'of this world' was when we hugged last. Do you remember?

I amend that. Whenever I think of you, suddenly the world comes back to me. I don't think it's me living vicariously.. It's more like I trust YOU. Not so much other people.

But then again - I trust anyone who shows themselves willing to trust me back. That is both one of my greatest strengths, and a major weakness.

Would they rather I WAS the batman they seem to think I am? Unlikely.

It was shown to me, just today, that people DO trust me. It just takes a bit of initiative on my part, that's all.

Anger

I don't need you to tell me that I can't run the marathon. When I set a goal, I put all of my time and effort into it, and I almost always succeed. 

I don't need you to tell me that I shouldn't transfer schools. I have a vision in my mind that you know nothing about. My friends DO, and while they may not understand it, they at least have the decency to support me in this endeavor. 

Why didn't I tell you? Because you dismiss my ideas and plans as naive. Grandiose dreams of the young. Because you consistently out down every idea I come up with, including my discovery that you and I both had ADHD.

If I hadn't campaigned about it for a solid three MONTHS, I would have never gotten where I am today - and your career would have suffered similarly.

If I hadn't discovered 5-htp, I would be an emotional wreck. You told me that I was risking my life by taking it, DESPITE the fact that you had no idea what it was.

If I hadn't gone to Maryland over the summer, like you urged me multiple times, I never would have met Clem - whom I am deeply in love with, as you well know.

If I hadn't started using an electronic cigarette Instead of smoking real cigarettes, I would be risking lung cancer - like my grandmother before me - and I would have lost all progress in my running career THAT YOU STARTED. Do you remember?

Maybe if you trusted me to live my life in a mature fashion, I would tell you more about what I do on a day-today basis. Maybe if you listened to me, and gave me my say when we're talking, I would trust you with the things I tell only my closest friends and girlfriend.

But right now, you are my accuser. You are the one person in my life who. Keeps telling me 'You can't.' 

And if that continues, i will spend the rest of my life trying to prove you wrong.

First day of classes

My math class here at NYU is the only class that disappoints me. I understand that some people don't have a strong grasp of fundamental mathematical concepts, but the reason for it is: colleges and high schools are teaching math INCORRECTLY. We are a society that learns visually and through audio - the more interactive, the better.

In the near future, teachers will need to learn how to engage students with video-based, three-dimensional representations of mathematical functions. If and when that happens, boys and girls alike will quickly come to excel in math and science-based courses. Until that happens, though, we will see yet another generation of students that fail to live up to the achievements of the 1960's and '70's.

Educational stagnation is the worst thing that could happen to anyone.

Unfortunately, it would seem as if educators, at least for now, are scared of anything interactive. When it comes to pictures, movies, or video-game related content, it is all but forbidden inside the classroom. So what's the solution? Either younger teachers need to get into the field sooner, or sometime soon, many people will start calling for urgent reform.

Think about it. What would happen if America fell behind the E.U. In education metrics?

So until then? I might as well start making videos and tutorials that teach this stuff concisely, simply, and in a way where even a 5th-grader could understand the basics of calculus. It CAN be done: my sister knew algebra before she was 7 years old with the same principles.

I watched a TEDtalk the other day where a middle-school teacher was advocating video games as a route to teaching boys in the classroom. I couldn't agree more; NOT because I'm a gamer (I use do to be), but because as a boy, I know that video games are the most visually stimulating material that the world offers today. If public/private institutions want to regain the attention of children in America, they will have to do the gaming industry a one-up.

Shaman

I have found it
And while it comes at a price
I am made whole.

Sleep, now, is peaceful.
And I feel you
In every fiber of my being
Infusing me with your love

Thank you.
I had once thought that this was denied me
That Zeus, Clotho and Aphrodite conspired against me

I realize now that they were merely testing me. My patience.
My discernment.

You will be the one who makes my dreams come to life
And we will fly through the heavens, hand in hand,
Gazing down in wonder at this world we live in
As the children we are.