Hey, whaddya know? It's a good Friday for once! Easy school day - classes end early, the AP unit test went well, and I'm getting my math grade back soon. Can't get enough of history, any and all of it, I mean 20th century stuff is really stranger than fiction sometimes. Take 'What is the what' for example, I've mentioned it before, because it's an account of a Sudanese refugee who moves to America in this epic saga. He is one of the lost boys who were orphaned in the 1980's revolution in Sudan, guy's 40ish now, and what he went through to escape the war is just incredible.
Will you teach me mathematics? I want to understand it, but this brain of mine isn't geared to do so, or I have a hard time with it. Brilliance (wink) alone does a good job at teaching, but if any Observer out there cares to tutor me, I'd be in their debt.
I didn't expect to sleep much considering the anticipation for this afternoon, but I got in my 8 hours, so i'll be in good shape.
And now to to see about an internship this summer. Be well.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Catharsis
What a feeling, to have a long-standing tension finally disappear. It existed because I created it; I over-dramatized things. Once the conversation ended, I got into bed and extinguished my past memories of the whole thing. What's left in my mind is a blank slate that hopes to be written on.
Another conversation earlier in the evening; I was told to let her go. That we share too few interests, that our personalities are opposite, and that since the original feeling is gone, so too should be my loyalty to that feeling. It's not a satisfying way to end the what-could-have-been, but at the same time, I no longer worry. She has her life to live, and she's doing well from what I know. She doesn't need my interference, perhaps nobody does.
Later on, I make peace with my mother. I love her. She loves me more than I realize when I post shit about her, here. I would not be what I am today without her, for reasons too many to list.
I am clean and well - fed. I'm rested and I feel vital again. I'm in my apartment contemplating this whole episode, about to head for school, and I'm happy.
Today, let us make peace. Friendship is beneficial to everyone, and It's easier to maintain than ill-will.
I have a request; tell me how you feel about me. If i've done you wrong, tell me and I'll work to make it right. If you're happy with me, let me know so that I can continue to make you happy. Either way, let me know today or as soon as possible.
Thank you all. For everything.
Another conversation earlier in the evening; I was told to let her go. That we share too few interests, that our personalities are opposite, and that since the original feeling is gone, so too should be my loyalty to that feeling. It's not a satisfying way to end the what-could-have-been, but at the same time, I no longer worry. She has her life to live, and she's doing well from what I know. She doesn't need my interference, perhaps nobody does.
Later on, I make peace with my mother. I love her. She loves me more than I realize when I post shit about her, here. I would not be what I am today without her, for reasons too many to list.
I am clean and well - fed. I'm rested and I feel vital again. I'm in my apartment contemplating this whole episode, about to head for school, and I'm happy.
Today, let us make peace. Friendship is beneficial to everyone, and It's easier to maintain than ill-will.
I have a request; tell me how you feel about me. If i've done you wrong, tell me and I'll work to make it right. If you're happy with me, let me know so that I can continue to make you happy. Either way, let me know today or as soon as possible.
Thank you all. For everything.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
But the beat goes on, ba-da-doom-da-doom-bada
The concert went well, the ACT went well, that whole afternoon was nothing short of heaven. Once again i've been fulfilled.
Looking back at previous posts, I’m starting to get the feeling i'm too angry. I ranted at someone I shouldn‘t have. I posted a story where I angst about my mom; the ‘Perspective’ post is the closest thing to my happy side most days.
I learned in Anatomy that teenagers tend to think and associate with their amygdala, their fear and anxiety center, more than they do with their frontal cortex. With constant stress on the amygdala, that part of the brain doesn’t revert back to normal once a threat’s over; It stays on maximum alert. That’s definitely me most of the time.
I'm up to page 14 in 'What is the what' by David Eggers. Absolutely beautiful writing.
I've done somebody wrong. Probably a lot of people in the long run, but I‘d feel especially bad if I know I’ve hurt her. What did I do? If you’d talk to me, tell me what it is, I could apologize. I could fix it. I could be a better friend to you and learn from my mistakes. Just talk to me - that's all it takes.
I don't know when or why I started listening to rap, but Flobots and Eminem took over my ipod. I run faster, I wake up easier, I get through the day without needing a pill . I'm me again; it's all in the music.
Looking back at previous posts, I’m starting to get the feeling i'm too angry. I ranted at someone I shouldn‘t have. I posted a story where I angst about my mom; the ‘Perspective’ post is the closest thing to my happy side most days.
I learned in Anatomy that teenagers tend to think and associate with their amygdala, their fear and anxiety center, more than they do with their frontal cortex. With constant stress on the amygdala, that part of the brain doesn’t revert back to normal once a threat’s over; It stays on maximum alert. That’s definitely me most of the time.
I'm up to page 14 in 'What is the what' by David Eggers. Absolutely beautiful writing.
I've done somebody wrong. Probably a lot of people in the long run, but I‘d feel especially bad if I know I’ve hurt her. What did I do? If you’d talk to me, tell me what it is, I could apologize. I could fix it. I could be a better friend to you and learn from my mistakes. Just talk to me - that's all it takes.
I don't know when or why I started listening to rap, but Flobots and Eminem took over my ipod. I run faster, I wake up easier, I get through the day without needing a pill . I'm me again; it's all in the music.
Monday, April 26, 2010
I don't even know what to call this one
Success and failure in the realm of exploration. I managed to introduce three people to the beloved sport on two different days, but the second day landed me in trouble. Now I can’t play the sport for months if ever – thank you Steve Duncan for sharing the addiction. They say that you can go wherever you please, but you never go into the tunnels because of the wires and alarms. You’ve never been under Times Square, even though I assumed you had; look where that got me. Bells and whistles everywhere, scaring the hell out of everyone.
Sunday and Monday are days of reflection, reconciliation, and trying-to-forget-it-ness. I may get in a mission-impossible tryst with her again ;) but it’ll be timed. Oh well, she’s so worth it that I have no cause to complain. I just wish that they would stop yelling at me. I’m going, I’m going! I’m getting there, I’m finishing the report now, I’m almost done with my homework, I’m going to find out about my ACT scores and SAT test dates as soon as I can!
Peace. That’s the ideal and that’s oddly how I’m feeling. Glasses improve my eyesight, make me less tired, and inflate my ego. Then I went exercising, running an 18-minute 5k on the treadmill and going on to complete one of the best weightlifting sessions I’ve yet done. Success. Tired. Sleepy. Happy. The concert’s tonight – I’m getting my uniform as soon as school’s over, don’t worry! And trust me, I’ll stop smoking. It’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
Sunday and Monday are days of reflection, reconciliation, and trying-to-forget-it-ness. I may get in a mission-impossible tryst with her again ;) but it’ll be timed. Oh well, she’s so worth it that I have no cause to complain. I just wish that they would stop yelling at me. I’m going, I’m going! I’m getting there, I’m finishing the report now, I’m almost done with my homework, I’m going to find out about my ACT scores and SAT test dates as soon as I can!
Peace. That’s the ideal and that’s oddly how I’m feeling. Glasses improve my eyesight, make me less tired, and inflate my ego. Then I went exercising, running an 18-minute 5k on the treadmill and going on to complete one of the best weightlifting sessions I’ve yet done. Success. Tired. Sleepy. Happy. The concert’s tonight – I’m getting my uniform as soon as school’s over, don’t worry! And trust me, I’ll stop smoking. It’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
A Perspective
I wake up today and i'm happy. I slept better than I have in weeks; it's what you get from being in your old bed again. With that really pretty girl you knew from high school and met at a few parties. You might have slept with her at that party where all of you were really stoned, but it wouldn't matter either way, no one would remember. You might have even slept with her entire group of friends, but, again, it wouldn't matter. You can faintly recognize the smell of her shampoo gently wafting through the air, the scent that you used to catch in the hallways that would call a quiet smile to your lips as you felt the blood rushing down your legs, sending erotic thoughts through your mind that you quickly try to push away, reminding yourself that you have to concentrate on your studies and be successful and rich in your life to be happy. No wait, thats not your dream, that's your mothers dream for you. But you have to make her happy and live up to her dreams, at least for now. How else would you make it through the next three years living under her roof? Who knows, you might even be able to get out sooner than then if you can do anything about it. As long as they think you're doing what they want to do, everything will be fine. Good impressions. Good grades. Good manners. And go for that midnight run, no one will notice and just for those few minutes you'll be free. Free to think clearly, with no one pushing you in a million directions. With the wind in your face, you can almost feel like you're flying. Like you have the wings of a bird, and you're free to roam where you will and think what you will.. Your phone rings quietly and your heart skips a few beats, wondering if it's your mother, catching you and stealing you back from your few minutes of freedom. You're safe this time, it's just a chain text from one of those preppy girls at your school, but just to be on the safe side, you head back "home." But so is the way of life, isn't it? Living up to peoples expectations. And fighting against that at the same time, fighting back without showing it. Pushing as close to the line as you can without crossing it, because heaven forbid anyone be upset with you. What's the worst that can happen?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Silk Road (41 mountain boulevard, Warren NJ) and a bit of reflection
What do I feel like after getting twelve hours of sleep?I feel Like a BOSS, that's what! Better yet, I had no homework due today, so I was able to sleep without worrying.
It's been like living in prison after Sunday's little adventure, but I haven't done anything since then (that she knows about) to make parents mad at me. I wish I didn't let them stress me out so much, especially mum, but the only way that'd happen is when I move to college. Other than that, as long as I have to take care of my sister on a regular basis, I'm going to disappoint them. Fuck it.
We watched the beginning of 'The Marriage of Figaro' In French today. I usually hate slow days like this, when we do little work, but I've never seen an opera before and this was really FUN! The singing was just beautiful, and the acting was good, so It was cool. I'm starting to lose my touch in AP world - wasn't participating at all today, and I should be because it's the fourth quarter and the year's almost up.
No one here does barbershop, but oh my GOD we sound bad this semester! Ever heard 'I'm Yours' by Jason Mraz? It's a great song, and I love singing it, but the teacher Is not picking the right people to solo and do the scatting sections. I'm going to be truly ashamed to perform this at the concert.
Anyways, about the restaurant:
Although it's kind of hard to find, Silk Road is worth the shlep to Warren. They start you off with home-made pita bread, fresh out the oven, with a mediterranean salad to go with it. This bread's the sweetest stuff you can eat without heaping real sugar on it, and the spiced cucumbers and tomatoes that make up the salad do well to balance that flavor. Moving on, you get a complimentary dish of the day, and on this visit we were served lentil soup - tastes kind of like lamb meat mixed with beans, probably because of the broth - which was good.
If you want a kick-ass lamb kebab, please go here at least once in your life. Silk Road actually introduced me to lamb meat, and since then I haven't found a place that serves it up better, even going above the price range for this dish. Expect to pay around twenty dollars for the entree, but it's worth it considering the quality / quantity of the meat and the freebies they give you.
The decor of the place is spot-on; you feel like you're somewhere in Afghanistan with the way the place is lit, and the rugs lining the wall, and the way the tables are set. The service is very fast, very professional, and non-intrusive when you're conversing with your dinner partner. The entire operation is family-run, and I cannot find a single aspect of the business worth criticizing.
It's been like living in prison after Sunday's little adventure, but I haven't done anything since then (that she knows about) to make parents mad at me. I wish I didn't let them stress me out so much, especially mum, but the only way that'd happen is when I move to college. Other than that, as long as I have to take care of my sister on a regular basis, I'm going to disappoint them. Fuck it.
We watched the beginning of 'The Marriage of Figaro' In French today. I usually hate slow days like this, when we do little work, but I've never seen an opera before and this was really FUN! The singing was just beautiful, and the acting was good, so It was cool. I'm starting to lose my touch in AP world - wasn't participating at all today, and I should be because it's the fourth quarter and the year's almost up.
No one here does barbershop, but oh my GOD we sound bad this semester! Ever heard 'I'm Yours' by Jason Mraz? It's a great song, and I love singing it, but the teacher Is not picking the right people to solo and do the scatting sections. I'm going to be truly ashamed to perform this at the concert.
Anyways, about the restaurant:
Although it's kind of hard to find, Silk Road is worth the shlep to Warren. They start you off with home-made pita bread, fresh out the oven, with a mediterranean salad to go with it. This bread's the sweetest stuff you can eat without heaping real sugar on it, and the spiced cucumbers and tomatoes that make up the salad do well to balance that flavor. Moving on, you get a complimentary dish of the day, and on this visit we were served lentil soup - tastes kind of like lamb meat mixed with beans, probably because of the broth - which was good.
If you want a kick-ass lamb kebab, please go here at least once in your life. Silk Road actually introduced me to lamb meat, and since then I haven't found a place that serves it up better, even going above the price range for this dish. Expect to pay around twenty dollars for the entree, but it's worth it considering the quality / quantity of the meat and the freebies they give you.
The decor of the place is spot-on; you feel like you're somewhere in Afghanistan with the way the place is lit, and the rugs lining the wall, and the way the tables are set. The service is very fast, very professional, and non-intrusive when you're conversing with your dinner partner. The entire operation is family-run, and I cannot find a single aspect of the business worth criticizing.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Crunch Time
It's Sunday. Again. I don't have to go to New Jersey tonight for once - i'll actually have time to sleep - thank god. Means i'll be on top of my homework when I get back.
I went for a 5 mile run this morning with mom. She saw me crying yesterday; today asked me why. I told her, but I won't tell her again, because she told me to stop hanging out with you. She said that you're not good for me, that you'd be a bad influence. I didn't talk back once she got critical, because she's wrong.I know that you ARE good for me. I know that you make me happy. I know that you're NOT a bad influence.
Lesson of the day; I think it's time I stopped hanging with my mom. She's been right many times in the past, but dead wrong when it comes to stuff like this.
Hugs fix more than words. I need a hug.
Later that day, mom goes out to dinner with her boyfriend. One rule of the house; don't leave while i'm gone. My friend Mike comes by and wants to go to the high line, offering me some green if I take him there. I did, cuz otherwise the night would've been boring, right? If you've ever been to the high line at night, i'd recommend you do so with or without entheogens. We were taking pictures all the way up and down the area, enjoying ourselves to the fullest, getting food from a nearby street vendor even. We were going to climb the fence and explore 'the private area' but Mikey had a case of paranoia... ah well. So I get a call around 9:30 that night; it's my mom asking where I was (where the FUCK I was, actually, she's not dainty). The trip was over.
No one got hurt, mentally or physically, and it didn't cost us a dime to go down there. Thanks mom, for ruining the first time i've gotten to see Mike in weeks.
I went for a 5 mile run this morning with mom. She saw me crying yesterday; today asked me why. I told her, but I won't tell her again, because she told me to stop hanging out with you. She said that you're not good for me, that you'd be a bad influence. I didn't talk back once she got critical, because she's wrong.I know that you ARE good for me. I know that you make me happy. I know that you're NOT a bad influence.
Lesson of the day; I think it's time I stopped hanging with my mom. She's been right many times in the past, but dead wrong when it comes to stuff like this.
Hugs fix more than words. I need a hug.
Later that day, mom goes out to dinner with her boyfriend. One rule of the house; don't leave while i'm gone. My friend Mike comes by and wants to go to the high line, offering me some green if I take him there. I did, cuz otherwise the night would've been boring, right? If you've ever been to the high line at night, i'd recommend you do so with or without entheogens. We were taking pictures all the way up and down the area, enjoying ourselves to the fullest, getting food from a nearby street vendor even. We were going to climb the fence and explore 'the private area' but Mikey had a case of paranoia... ah well. So I get a call around 9:30 that night; it's my mom asking where I was (where the FUCK I was, actually, she's not dainty). The trip was over.
No one got hurt, mentally or physically, and it didn't cost us a dime to go down there. Thanks mom, for ruining the first time i've gotten to see Mike in weeks.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Courage, lads
Feels like i'm wolverine tearing, breaking, and clawing my way out of a hostile laboratory. Or Batman when he finds his parents dead. No.. it's more like Tony Stark building the suit that'll take him out of the shithole he's in and back to where he belongs. It's a challenge you have to study for, be mentally ready for, show up on time for, sit through, and do well at if you want to go places. That's right, i'm talking about the ACT. Feels good now that it's over; had a bloody panic attack more than once when I was sitting through it. I'm sure I did well - standardized tests are my specialty - and I'm sure i'll get into a really good school if things keep going the way they do. What is uncertain; how the hell am I going to stop panicking during tests? you'll have to sedate me before I go into one calm. Courage, lads; the war is not over yet.
Later;
St. marks has 3 big exports; drugs, drug paraphernilia, and tee-shirts. NYU students come for all three and stay all night to drink next door at Astor place. I go there for the numb-in-a-box and leave. like take out. I get the numb when I need to stop feeling things for awhile. To stop thinking. To just let the world roll by me for awhile; it's my equivalent of stopping to smell the roses.
I look out onto Broadway from my rooftop. I see cars angrily swerving around each other like nascar. I see people far below that scurry around like ants. I wish I could fly. Maybe then I could be where I want to be right now - and i'd be free. I've dreamt about flying at least once a month since I was a little kid. Each time I wake up, I realize that while it's a dream, It can become a reality.
It's 2AM. I've had THAT day again - the day where the former you ages, then dies VERY painfully, and a new self Is created. Sometimes it's a bad trip, sometimes it's a breakup, sometimes it's bad grades in school or parents telling you something you didn't want to hear. Today I wanted to fly off my roof and see what it's like to be a bird. Right now, though, I feel like a baby again.
Later;
St. marks has 3 big exports; drugs, drug paraphernilia, and tee-shirts. NYU students come for all three and stay all night to drink next door at Astor place. I go there for the numb-in-a-box and leave. like take out. I get the numb when I need to stop feeling things for awhile. To stop thinking. To just let the world roll by me for awhile; it's my equivalent of stopping to smell the roses.
I look out onto Broadway from my rooftop. I see cars angrily swerving around each other like nascar. I see people far below that scurry around like ants. I wish I could fly. Maybe then I could be where I want to be right now - and i'd be free. I've dreamt about flying at least once a month since I was a little kid. Each time I wake up, I realize that while it's a dream, It can become a reality.
It's 2AM. I've had THAT day again - the day where the former you ages, then dies VERY painfully, and a new self Is created. Sometimes it's a bad trip, sometimes it's a breakup, sometimes it's bad grades in school or parents telling you something you didn't want to hear. Today I wanted to fly off my roof and see what it's like to be a bird. Right now, though, I feel like a baby again.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Gabriel's; 11 West 60th Street, Time Warner Center
The main components of a restaurant - the food, quality of the waiters, and atmosphere - make it good. The little things make it GREAT. Unfortunately for this place.. the food was sub-par for what they charged. Caesar salad; tasted like anchovies in every bite. The portabella mushroom was good, certainly met expectations, but the Entree was not my cup of tea. Just, seriously, how can you charge 34 dollars for short ribs and have most of the portion be BONE?! It was tender, given. It was flavorful, given. The problem is, there was a large portion of the meat itself that was fat; more so than in a cut of sirloin.
The owner deserve credit, though, for the polite and prompt service. They weren't intrusive but you could find them whenever you needed something. The place was also decorated quite nicely; not too brightly lit, not too dark. Surreal paintings lined the walls adding a psychedelic feeling to the place. More importantly, there was a good vibe from the patrons; everyone was talking, joking, drinking. It wasn't loud but it was pleasant.
My favorite touch; pre-melting the butter for the bread basket (which was fresh out of the oven by the way). Very important to me, no idea why.
Overall rating; 3 stars. A good place to eat, but don't expect any more than what you pay for.
The owner deserve credit, though, for the polite and prompt service. They weren't intrusive but you could find them whenever you needed something. The place was also decorated quite nicely; not too brightly lit, not too dark. Surreal paintings lined the walls adding a psychedelic feeling to the place. More importantly, there was a good vibe from the patrons; everyone was talking, joking, drinking. It wasn't loud but it was pleasant.
My favorite touch; pre-melting the butter for the bread basket (which was fresh out of the oven by the way). Very important to me, no idea why.
Overall rating; 3 stars. A good place to eat, but don't expect any more than what you pay for.
Homecoming (from 25/3/10)
I went over to Dee’s house first thing in the morning and chilled with her. We made some peanut butter cookies (which were amazing by the way) and listened to some good music while I helped her finish her ‘dayzeroproject’ list.. Which… I still haven’t finished yet. So after that we made a chicken salad for lunch and visited the high school for old time’s sake; they were glad to have me back! I saw Anthony Perenti, Dean Russo, Tom (the stoner whose last name I forget) and Thomas Kreder. (the fat guy who got me into DXM) I said hi to Mr. Tracey, Mr. Lowell, Ms. Campbell, and even Mr. Niedzjenko! I was gonna go visit Mrs. Bear and like.. Mess with the class but the kids told me she has breast cancer -!!!- I wouldn’t want to make her feel bad.
Anywhoo, I also met Mike Stein’s sister .. Mildly attractive BUT… and Artem so he drove me back to my place and came over to study. We were getting tired b/c it was midafternoon SO I went to the A&P and stole us some energy drinks. Man, did it feel good to be back in that game. After we did some work, we went to this Ice Cream Social at the school and helped scoop ice cream (so we got to eat free!). uhhhh and Artem’s friend Allie was there - a sophmore he wants to fuck - so that was kinda cool. I realized how much I missed the kids who go here and at the same time how little I miss the school, LOL! Everyone said I looked much happier and more energetic because of the new school, and I’m positive they were right. I could feel the place starting to get to me by like 8:00 and I was begging Artem to let us leave. We went back to his place and jammed - played Freak on a Leash by KORN, MOTHERFUCKER! - till like 10ish and then went on a dumpster diving run to Dunkin Donuts. Cops pulled us over on the way back to his place, scary, but they just wanted him to turn his headlights on; he didn’t get a ticket or anything. Afterwerds, we watched some ‘Pulp Fiction’ at his place, and went to bed around 1.30.
So most of today, up till about 3ish, was me sleeping and getting my head back in shape. We went to a restaurant called ‘Silk Road’ which my dad’s nursing co-worker (her name’s Naomi) runs, and it was GREAT! It’s an Afghani-style place in Warren County NJ .. Had some of the best lamb kebab I’d ever eaten. The appetizer was mouth-watering cucumbers and tomatoes soaked in vinegar PLUS pita bread. The entrée was the kebabs served with a long-grained brown rice soaked in a sauce with cashews, orange peels, spices, and sugar. The result was pure gourmet bliss. Dessert was even better - baklava with Turkish coffee that’s woken me up by now. I’m still digesting everything, which is why I’m not running or writing or anything at the moment, but it was a really good way to wake up after sleeping for some sixteen hours.
Anywhoo, I also met Mike Stein’s sister .. Mildly attractive BUT… and Artem so he drove me back to my place and came over to study. We were getting tired b/c it was midafternoon SO I went to the A&P and stole us some energy drinks. Man, did it feel good to be back in that game. After we did some work, we went to this Ice Cream Social at the school and helped scoop ice cream (so we got to eat free!). uhhhh and Artem’s friend Allie was there - a sophmore he wants to fuck - so that was kinda cool. I realized how much I missed the kids who go here and at the same time how little I miss the school, LOL! Everyone said I looked much happier and more energetic because of the new school, and I’m positive they were right. I could feel the place starting to get to me by like 8:00 and I was begging Artem to let us leave. We went back to his place and jammed - played Freak on a Leash by KORN, MOTHERFUCKER! - till like 10ish and then went on a dumpster diving run to Dunkin Donuts. Cops pulled us over on the way back to his place, scary, but they just wanted him to turn his headlights on; he didn’t get a ticket or anything. Afterwerds, we watched some ‘Pulp Fiction’ at his place, and went to bed around 1.30.
So most of today, up till about 3ish, was me sleeping and getting my head back in shape. We went to a restaurant called ‘Silk Road’ which my dad’s nursing co-worker (her name’s Naomi) runs, and it was GREAT! It’s an Afghani-style place in Warren County NJ .. Had some of the best lamb kebab I’d ever eaten. The appetizer was mouth-watering cucumbers and tomatoes soaked in vinegar PLUS pita bread. The entrée was the kebabs served with a long-grained brown rice soaked in a sauce with cashews, orange peels, spices, and sugar. The result was pure gourmet bliss. Dessert was even better - baklava with Turkish coffee that’s woken me up by now. I’m still digesting everything, which is why I’m not running or writing or anything at the moment, but it was a really good way to wake up after sleeping for some sixteen hours.
Typical Day on my Spring Break (from 24/3/10)
Deanna told me to join this website called “http://dayzeroproject.com/ “ Which is pretty cool. It’s a list of goals you make for yourself to do in the next 1001 days - or three years. I’ve come up with about 60 so far and there’s a mix of easily doable, hard to do, and extremely hard if not usually impossible. (given this time frame) One of the goals was to keep a journal because I haven’t in forever - seriously, it’s starting to annoy me. Finding this site and making the list was pretty mood-lifting for me today, good, because otherwise it was really ‘meh.’ I slept in, not really dreaming, because I watched ‘Crank’ last night. Good movie. I didn’t work out, I just ate a lot and walked around New Providence trying to meet up with Dee or Artem. Artem wasn’t home cuz he was in school and.. Well.. Dee didn’t answer the door. So I smoked a couple of dubs, bought a 900-cal pack of fruit slices from CVS and called it a meal. I think I’m gonna get diabetes, man, but I can’t help myself when it comes to sugar. I did do a bit of ACT studying, though not really enough, so I’ll have to work on that a lot more tomorrow. I’ll also need to keep reading ‘Don Quixote’ which is on my goal list but I had a really lazy day today. Another resolution was to get 8 hours of sleep a night at least - I don’t know how I’m going to do that exactly given all the tests and stuff that I’m going to be taking soon, including the AP exam and finals, but it’ll have to happen eventually. I’m really glad Dee showed me this website because now I have a use for this netbook - it wasn’t getting much legitimate use beforehand besides me using to either play imperion, browse facebook, look at porn, or go on wikipedia or 4chan.
Kira got a new guinea pig on Monday - its name is Cookie and it’s smaller than ‘Bella, her old guinea pig. I like it, I think it’s cute, but I think kira’s starting to lose her innocence because of stuff like Bella’s death. (she died last weekend) I don’t exactly help the matter … oh well. Everyone grows up someday, right? Anyways, it’s been twenty minutes and I gotta get to bed soon enough. It’s been fun! I’m actually in a better mood leaving this than when I came to it.
Kira got a new guinea pig on Monday - its name is Cookie and it’s smaller than ‘Bella, her old guinea pig. I like it, I think it’s cute, but I think kira’s starting to lose her innocence because of stuff like Bella’s death. (she died last weekend) I don’t exactly help the matter … oh well. Everyone grows up someday, right? Anyways, it’s been twenty minutes and I gotta get to bed soon enough. It’s been fun! I’m actually in a better mood leaving this than when I came to it.
Promise
I was up late last nite - nothing new. What's new is that I've got my idea down for the short story; it's going to be GREAT! No spoilers here, oh no, but I can say with confidence that this'll be the best piece of lit i've yet written. Need more time to finish it, though. Always need more time. I talked with that actress lady who drinks at night and talks about new age philosophy - she loved the story idea and offered me a summer job working as a movie extra. Love the idea; get money and act at the same time, only working once a week or so, able to keep up with friends and the probably museum internship. Upenn's still in my reach!
The actress also told me something I believe wholeheartedly; today (friday) is going to be the best day of my life so far, because i'm so excited about this story and all the creative energy that goes with it. I say; fuck yeah! Could use a happy Friday for once.
Today was a short school day, with only 7 class periods in a row to attend. I clocked in full of stimulants and epinephrine; clocked out exhausted and depleted. It was that DBQ in history, that pointless test-grade essay that you’d had little time to prepare for the evening previous. I love school, I love history, but by GOD I do not love the AP process. That essay was the most stressful part of the day; had to finish it in the library which was full of 8th graders. My heart rate went down, my headache went away, after she came by. She came up behind me quietly, scratched the back of my head, and I put my head on her shoulder. She hugged me to her - pure comfort only people like her can give. It didn’t last long, but it was enough to make me finish strong; best essay I’ve written in that class for awhile. * dramatic sigh * women…
So I left school a little sad, since everyone left for their weekend warriordome. I slept for a few hours, gathering and storing that sacred energy until it was time to go to dinner. She texted me, he texted me, they texted me. The substitute teacher said that I was too popular to take tests in the library - I wasn’t complaining. Reading lit from creative writing, I realized that ‘la Pleiades’ is not dead. There are stars still born that produce great works, and I know three of them personally; Kawano, Bri, and Mello. They put my lit to shame. Even so, the only thing for it is to get better, to enjoy reading and writing, and to say what I feel. I’ve shaved consistently yesterday morning and this morning. Feel fresh and world-worthy again - I just want to put this energy to good use. So much energy.
Read more of ‘Jazz’ by Toni Morrison. She turns 20’s era music into one massive, phallic beast that permeates the streets of Manhattan; detailing those who embrace promiscuity and those who avoid it. She effortlessly describes the hopeless sexual repression of teenagers, though in this case, a girl. Her mother dresses her most severely - thick black stockings, awkward platform shoes that cover the ankles, long skirts hiding everything, and hornrimmed glasses coupled with cornrow braids intended to completely de-sexualize her. Doesn’t work; she lies awake at night from the age of 16 onward longing to enter those nighclubs, to dance to that same music, and to completely lose herself to it. I can see why Morrison won the nobel lit prize for it - it’s so accurately human.. So accurate… painfully accurate. No time to dwell on it - my opus needs attention.
The actress also told me something I believe wholeheartedly; today (friday) is going to be the best day of my life so far, because i'm so excited about this story and all the creative energy that goes with it. I say; fuck yeah! Could use a happy Friday for once.
Today was a short school day, with only 7 class periods in a row to attend. I clocked in full of stimulants and epinephrine; clocked out exhausted and depleted. It was that DBQ in history, that pointless test-grade essay that you’d had little time to prepare for the evening previous. I love school, I love history, but by GOD I do not love the AP process. That essay was the most stressful part of the day; had to finish it in the library which was full of 8th graders. My heart rate went down, my headache went away, after she came by. She came up behind me quietly, scratched the back of my head, and I put my head on her shoulder. She hugged me to her - pure comfort only people like her can give. It didn’t last long, but it was enough to make me finish strong; best essay I’ve written in that class for awhile. * dramatic sigh * women…
So I left school a little sad, since everyone left for their weekend warriordome. I slept for a few hours, gathering and storing that sacred energy until it was time to go to dinner. She texted me, he texted me, they texted me. The substitute teacher said that I was too popular to take tests in the library - I wasn’t complaining. Reading lit from creative writing, I realized that ‘la Pleiades’ is not dead. There are stars still born that produce great works, and I know three of them personally; Kawano, Bri, and Mello. They put my lit to shame. Even so, the only thing for it is to get better, to enjoy reading and writing, and to say what I feel. I’ve shaved consistently yesterday morning and this morning. Feel fresh and world-worthy again - I just want to put this energy to good use. So much energy.
Read more of ‘Jazz’ by Toni Morrison. She turns 20’s era music into one massive, phallic beast that permeates the streets of Manhattan; detailing those who embrace promiscuity and those who avoid it. She effortlessly describes the hopeless sexual repression of teenagers, though in this case, a girl. Her mother dresses her most severely - thick black stockings, awkward platform shoes that cover the ankles, long skirts hiding everything, and hornrimmed glasses coupled with cornrow braids intended to completely de-sexualize her. Doesn’t work; she lies awake at night from the age of 16 onward longing to enter those nighclubs, to dance to that same music, and to completely lose herself to it. I can see why Morrison won the nobel lit prize for it - it’s so accurately human.. So accurate… painfully accurate. No time to dwell on it - my opus needs attention.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
debriefing
I haven’t shaved in days. You know that feeling when you’re supposed to keep up appearances? Can’t do it. Not when there’s so much freaking WORK to do... oy vey. I don’t mind being so busy, it’s kinda good for me actually, but you know.. just got off of break. Didn’t go anywhere, except New Jersey, which was cooler than usual. Got to catch up with friends, try new psychs with my malchiks – clockwork orange, haha. If you’re hairy, you feel dirty, least I do; if you’re cleanshaven and smooth like the legs of a starry ptitsa.. ahhh THEN you know you’re living the life.
Know something I also haven’t done? Gone to bed on time in days. First week of break, I loaded up on sleep and psychs and hibernated for a good spell. Second week, I found me some amps and started going out at night again, hanging with friends, playing imperion, going on /b/ hoping to find origional work. I stopped going out, though, and mostly stayed in the apartment. You remember that muslim guy who shook your hand in that creepo way? What an asshole – I’m calling the cops again if I see him, count on it. Then I haven’t listened to music in forever and the apartment’s too quiet.. I missed noise over break. Caught up on it yesterday, though.
Yeah, going off of the whole sleep thing, I’ve been chugging amps and ignoring psychs for this last episode – too much work to do anyway. ACT on Saturday, aren’t I special.. I don’t even expect to do well because of schoolwork and tests. The GPA’s more important than the standardizeds.. least that’s what they’ve been telling me.
Been meeting new people.. experiencing my familiars in new ways. Especially her – you know who I’m talking about. But all of those other hers.. my god it’s time to forget them.
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