I read a great book called "The Male Brain" over New Year's, which details the changes that occur in male brains over different stages of life. According to the book, boyhood is characterized by an insatiable drive to run, to climb, to fight and wrestle, and to compete with other boys at every possible chance. This competitiveness to see who can run the fastest, or swim the farthest, or what have you, serves to establish a clear pecking order in a social group, and it can occur with remarkable speed. The consequence of this is that, to a young boy, winning is everything.
I got a clear demonstration of that earlier today, when my five-year-old cousin in law was beat at chess by his grandfather, a sweet, even-tempered man. Alan remarked to himself "Wow, that's strange, I don't usually win." To an older male, this would not be a big slight; to my cousin, it was seen as bragging, highly 'unsportsmanlike' behavior, and he ran off to his room crying, not to emerge for nearly an hour despite his grandfather's sincere apology. My first reaction was to label the kid as a crybaby, but when I considered my own reactions to losing a game at that age, I retracted my judgement. Even today, I'm extremely competitive with everything from grades in school to throwing darts and playing chess. I hate to lose, but when I do, I shrug it off.
After my cousin's tantrum, I sat down and played a game of chess with the grandfather. We were evenly matched in skill and experience, and - for the first time in my life - it ended in a draw. We smiled at each other, shook hands, and said "good game."
The five-year-old in me still wanted to win, though.
I got a clear demonstration of that earlier today, when my five-year-old cousin in law was beat at chess by his grandfather, a sweet, even-tempered man. Alan remarked to himself "Wow, that's strange, I don't usually win." To an older male, this would not be a big slight; to my cousin, it was seen as bragging, highly 'unsportsmanlike' behavior, and he ran off to his room crying, not to emerge for nearly an hour despite his grandfather's sincere apology. My first reaction was to label the kid as a crybaby, but when I considered my own reactions to losing a game at that age, I retracted my judgement. Even today, I'm extremely competitive with everything from grades in school to throwing darts and playing chess. I hate to lose, but when I do, I shrug it off.
After my cousin's tantrum, I sat down and played a game of chess with the grandfather. We were evenly matched in skill and experience, and - for the first time in my life - it ended in a draw. We smiled at each other, shook hands, and said "good game."
The five-year-old in me still wanted to win, though.
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