Zen

Sundays are an uncomfortable lull in the conversation. The entire day, every week, Is devoted to the family. Morning run with mom (at a really fucking slow pace), breakfast with her and sister, Church and then lunch, train-ride home. Car-ride home with dad, babysit sister one he's gone to work, do homework, then pass out. Wake up five hours later feeling like Jason Statham from Crank; you've gotta do anything and everything in your power just to stay awake.

Don't get me wrong, I love my sister. I don’t dislike spending time with her. I love my mom and dad, and I don’t dislike spending time with them either: what I do dislike is the fact that most Sundays (and indeed weekends as a whole) are entirely devoted to them. That's not healthy, because I don't enjoy spending time with them as a result; it's all or nothing.

The first weekend - day I have to myself, sans family, I’m going to live out a little fantasy. Wake up at 7:30, chug two cups of coffee, run four miles as fast I can. Take a leisurely shower after, breakfast at Le pain quotidian, reading Nabokov over country porridge and eggs. Call a friend and go see a movie with them (anything goes, just please no Sandra Bullock), then go home to read ‘Locas’ for a bit before starting in on homework. Finish homework by ~ 6:00, find an unexplored Urbex location. Spend the rest of the evening infiltrating it and taking pictures.

AGH! This wishful thinking is getting me down.. How long’s it gonna be before I can actually DO that?! No, you know that? Forget that fantasy. What would make me happier more than anything Is to be able to spend a day with YOU. Just one day - no plans. All we’d need is a bit of money and a place to go home to for the night; think about the things we’d see, the stuff we could do, the memories we’d make! We’d eat the best food, see the newest movies, talk face-to-face for who cares how long, explore the deepest part of the city, and we'd be able to show affection for each other whenever and wherever we damn well pleased. That’s what I’d call living.

With everything going on at school, and obligations I’ve got to my family and friends, I don’t know when that day’ll be if ever. The thought of it, however, is enough to make me smile and stop worrying about the day-to-day. Today is pleasant, and tomorrow will be even better because I’m counting down to that day somewhere in the future. Maybe that’s what a fantasy’s supposed to do then, hmm? Gives you hope.